m. ayris
Please don't despair. You have already given this child a very strong sense of security by giving him a loving home. You are in no way failing him. Suggest you read as much as you can on attachment theory, e.g. Bowlby, Rutter and in particular Winnacott who believes that if you get it right two thirds of the time then you are "good enough parents"! Children are demanding and naturally selfish, but the rewards are enormous if you have the patience and persistence to stick with it. You are having to deal with the added problems of the emotional damage he may have received before you entered his life but please remember that children are extremely resiliant and will always respond to a secure and loving family. He will eventually realise that you are not going away and that he can rely on you, no matter what, and you can turn his life around. As long as we realise that our children are not there to meet our own emotional needs and we can show them that we will love them unconditionally, then we are 99% of the way there! Good luck, be strong together and trust your instincts. This child will give and teach you more than you realise at the moment - never expect anything from him and the bonuses will be enormous!