Phil Lambertsen
I have had two children with RAD that we adopted a year ago and my wife and I both can really understand where you are coming from. We never dreamed they could do the things they do. While there is not a single solution to the problem there are places to get help. There is a web site called heal the hearts foundation that is for parents of RAD kids and they have hundreds of chats open every day as well as some really good on line chats dealing with this issue from some of the best theropists in the country. There is a book called Holding Time that also goes into a great deal of information. It is really a controversial treatment but we have been sold on the theropy she suggests and before we got these kids we both thought it was too radical. Read it. It will help. There is also the Evergreen institute in Colorado that has some really great information and books avalable that deal with this also. The hardest thing we have found is that these kids make everyone else think they are so wonderful and charming and at home you life is falling apart. They take most of their agression out on the mother because mom is the one that was supposed to protect them while she was pregnant and during the bonding years and you will still carry the name of mom even if you didn't give birth. Out two boys are bad for me, but for mom they are terror. I really feel for you and hope it works out but it will take years to resolve the issues. I have gone back to school in psycology because I want to learn more on how to make this work. Just remember it is NOT you they hate. It is the title and love is the thing they are most scared of and yet it is the only thing that will heal them. You and your husband MUST find time with just the two of you. If you have someone you trust and can teach how to deal with the childs problems have him go there without you and your husband for one or two days and nights just to give you a break.Do this at least once a month and more if possible. We really hate that part of the treatment but we have learned if we don't we risk our childs safty and our sanity. If I can be of more help let me know. I can get the names of the books we have read and what we have tryed. Good Luck!